I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
