where am i from again
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
