when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
