so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
