Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
