So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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