Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
