from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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