well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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