just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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