just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
