How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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