Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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