you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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