He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
