I look better un-naked...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
