Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
