She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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