Where did you get a picture of my penis
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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