am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
