she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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