It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
