The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
