I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
