Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
