You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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