Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
