my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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