Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
