i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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