On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
