WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
