I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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