have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
