Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
