she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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