is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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