I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
