see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
