I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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