when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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