More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
