Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
