ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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