Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
