ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
