WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
