the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
