take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm like, not good at living.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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