Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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