He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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