Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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