if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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