A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
