I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
