Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
