her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You made out with two different species that night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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