Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
